The past couple days Jamie and I have been moving about as if in a
fog. We’re not really “present” with the kids and are always
distracted. Today, Jamie and I started coming out of our froggies. The
altercation with Aunt Ellen has affected us deeply for different
reasons. Jamie is very concerned about Maca (his grandmother) and and I
keep wondering if this is payback for the way we kicked Michael to the
curb. Granted, we took months and months of warnings, of talking to him
about our expectations and many “second” chances, and Aunt Ellen
decided to kick us out in the space of minutes, but I keep worrying and
wondering. I think about Michael all the time and really think we
failed him. So I keep second-guessing our actions and keep wondering
where he is, if he is warm and safe and healthy.
The kids, on the other hand, are so resiliant that I had begun to
wonder if they’d even noticed that we’re not at the farm anymore for all
they seemed to care. The cheapie motels were completely booked the
night we were frantically looking for lodging so we ended up at the Days
Inn. The Days Inn has a lovely indoor pool and the kids are absolutely
LOVING it. I had hoped to move to a cheapie but can’t take them away
from the pool. It seemed like they didn’t even care about the farm and
Jamie and I were moping around for nothing. I talked to them yesterday
and found that they were all (except Ellen, who is so used to moving
spontaneously that she didn’t even realize that Aunt Ellen had told us
to leave) very angry at Aunt Ellen and didn’t want to have anything to
do with her. We talked for a while; mostly me and the three eldest, but
I hope Ellen absorbed some. We talked about not writing people off;
that people make mistakes (and I goofed; Aunt Ellen was NOT drunk or
drinking when she kicked us out and I made sure the kids understood
that. Jamie tells me Aunt Ellen would be very upset at the kids
thinking she was drunk) that she does love them and that just because
someone does something incredibly stupid and hurtful, you don’t write
them off. You’re very careful about how much you trust them, but
especially if they are family, you simply do not write them off. So,
Jesse is ok with being with her but Pikey, my black and white boy,
cannot see any shades of grey in the situation. Sissy and Ellen are
very negative about Aunt Ellen and do not want any contact with her.
I’m hoping that with time and maturity they’ll forget or soften. I
would like the kids to know their family but I will not allow any
unsupervised time with Aunt Ellen. I cannot trust her with the children
unless Jamie or myself are present. Since she has yet to initiate any
contact, I can’t see that will be an issue.
In simply AMAZING news, however, Grandma Elinor showed up at the Days
Inn, unannounced, and paid our entire bill! What an amazing gift! It
was such a relief not to have to worry about getting the kids to a
cheaper place and telling them the pool would be off limits. Thank you
so much, Grandma Elinor!
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